Sensory Overload

As I sat in my apartment, studying away my life, I found myself worrying. Thinking about my grades during this summer session, the job I have waiting for me after finals end next week (the same position that I took a leave of absence from in order to finish my undergrad coursework), whether or not my parents (separated, divorced, apart and always so distant when I need a good cry) are proud, am I letting family down by putting off med-school in order to get a M.S. in Engineering? My mind, just like yours, thinks of a million things every minute. Mostly I muse about future issues, or thinking up plans B-Z. I'm like that, always have a back-up plan. I blame my Type A-ness, the fact that I'm an ESTJ individual and the constant need for order. Do you want to know what bothered me most of all about all these thoughts? Two things. 1) I have no control over any of these things. Sure, the amount of effort I put into my studies should result in a great grade, but that's not always the case - especially at BU, where we're all fighting each other for that one med-school seat. It's ludicrous how much is impressed upon us to be perfect, all the time. 2) My inner voice is a real bitch! I mean, cut-throat. I need to find a way to shut her up...ideas?

This nagging conscience of mine got me to do some soul-searching, which I find essential to one's existence. What I came to realize was that, despite all the crazy things going on right now, I am so very happy. I have a loving man in my life, am about to graduate from a prestigious university, am a productive member of society, have amazing friends, my family is wonderful and caring...from the outside looking in...I have a great life. I am so very thankful for all of the blessings that have been bestowed upon me and for all the life lessons that have been thrown my way. It's been difficult, sometimes it felt impossible, but I'm grateful. 

I found this list and it made me laugh. My best friend Laura and I firmly believe in taking dance breaks during study time. We sing loudly in the car (usually making up our own lyrics) and always have smiles on our faces. I don't know who taught us any of this, or if we made our own rules along the way. This is a small list that I feel we should all keep near. It's a fantastic reminder to not sweat the small stuff, add some endorphins to each and every day and bask in the amazing gift of life. 

I cannot control everything, though God help me - I try. What I can do, and I suggest you try too, is to be more easy-going and to live in the now. I have all these plans, these ideas of where I'm going and want to end up, but I forget to enjoy the adventure along the way. 

Live the adventure! Visit a new place, try new foods, go against the grain, get out of that same-old-same rut. Do you! Fiercely, passionately and for the love of all that is good. Have fun!

My adventure started with this blog, a way to keep in touch with my besties and to soul-surf. I'm loving every moment of it; trying new things, running for the passion in it and finding every day being brighter and happier. What have you learned from yourself lately? Have you learned anything from me? 

I sincerely hope that you are making positive strides in your life in order to find a healthier and happier you! 

Much love!

Study Break: One Nerd's Musings on Procrastination and Exams; Or, why am I still wearing a bra?

My study snack, in all it's nummy glory! Mmm, Sunbutter! (Side note: I've eaten three bananas today, heaven knows why?) I splurged and went for a Nervous Breakdown, swooped up from my favorite little coffee shack near campus (Common Grounds, a.k.a. - CG, pushing coffee to the brilliant Baylor masses and the hipsters who only drink it 'cause it's totes awesome!)

Today has been a splurg-y kind of day, all. It's a study day. What more can I say? I'm freaking out about graduation and the need to ace this exam tomorrow. I really wanted to stuff my gob with Doritos and KitKats (a SarahDill signature), but was easily distracted by the banana (and of course, the complete lack of junk food in my apartment forced my healthy snack. Go me, bt-dubs, for not having any sugary-crap to snarf! 10 points for Grrryffindor!)

I'm seriously sweating this exam guys, about to flip-the-heck out. A lot is riding on this. Why can't it just be a swish-and-pat, congrats-you-survived-your-undergrad and get-the-heck-out? This business is for the birds! I'm pre-med and sick of studying. My brain feels kinda like egg-drop soup, all mush. Hence, my decision to write about this, putting aside my studies to muse about my crazy-hectic-life. I just realized that I'm still wearing a bra...I've been so focused on studies that I forgot about being comfy! Girls, you know what I mean! It's nearly midnight, for jeebus-sake! 

I've got one more chapter to review and lord if it doesn't feel like a sprint to the finish. Finals are next week and I could damn near cry with happiness. 

For now, I'll keep up the duck-act and just keep paddling! There's a hardcore workout waiting for me tomorrow, as I blew off my workout today in order to study...and I'm completely torn up about it. I feel soooooo guilty! The 5 mile run tomorrow will feel splendiferous, so I won't feel so twitchy about all this growing up business. 

Until tomorrow! Make healthy choices and stay on track. Remember, my goal is to hit the gym 5 times a week, and I've only just missed today (I have plenty more days left to meet my goal of 3 more workouts this week!) Keep pushing, at whatever it is you're doing. Grad school? Get it! Losing a few more inches? Hop to it! Make it happen and keep a smile on your face. You'll feel great and look great and just be plain awesome! 

Much love!

Munchies

Today I found myself craving fruit, so I reached for a FUJI Apple, my favorite because it's sweet and tangy! Even now as I study for my exam on Wednesday, I feel hungry. I've noticed the change in my metabolism. Nearly every 3 hours, I start feeling like I've got to munch on something, STAT! My meals have been small and healthy, so this makes sense. I did not think that re-training my body's rhythm would happen so quickly. Don't get me wrong, it sure as hell is not easy. I'm sitting in class today, just minding my own business and taking notes, when my stomach decides to try to answer the prof's query with something sounding similar to an incoherent velociraptor: RWARJFHERT...or something similar (because, I expect you all to have conversed with one before, of course). The guy sitting next to me was kind enough to pass me an energy bar, aka - death in a chewy stick. It had peanuts. ACK! I'm terribly allergic and had to decline it and then proceeded to sit in class for another 45 minutes with a grumbly tummy and no hunny in sight. Thankfully the tiny eatery inside our science building had bananas! I <3 these little beauties, but tend to avoid them during Texas Rainy season. You see, mosquitoes love potassium and (so I've been told by countless entomologists) that you'll attract crazy-huge blood-suckers the more you eat the nanners. Sorry, I took a rando-turn. Point being, I have been replacing my hunger-pangs with fruit and man does it fill me up! The water throughout the day definitely helps me stay satisfied, but a girl's gotta eat! I've been eating a nutrigrain bar and an apple for breakfast, which I am thoroughly enjoying. Don't skip breakfast! If you're like me, always flitting from one activity to the next, make it easy and stuff a couple of snacks in your backpack or purse - this way you have a backup in case you fly out the door with wet hair, coffee (I don't think I have ever, ever, ever forgotten my coffee...that would be the day hell freezes over, my friends) in one hand and a stick of gum that you're certain is floating around in your purse. NO! Don't even think about skipping breakfast. You'll stay more alert, happy until you can get a mid-morning snack and will keep your metabolism on a healthy track. Forgetting to eat (or simply not doing so on purpose) is not healthy, I repeat...NOT HEALTHY! 

Here's a list of yummy-for-your-tummy snack ideas that you may find helpful:

  

Find what works best for you. I'm not on any particular diet, I'm simply eating healthier and being much more conscientious as to what I put in my body. I think the first step (and frankly, the most difficult) is deciding to commit to a healthier lifestyle. Once you get passed the thought that you "can't have" this or that and how "it's going to be so hard" - give yourself a swift kick in the ass - and get going, you'll see that the change is easy. I was standing in my own way, no else was preventing me from getting in shape and being fit. I did all of that by simply staying in to study my days away, snacking on Doritos and Kit Kats, because I could. Looking back on all those hours of studying and the amount of pringles and desserts my gals and I went through during the past four years of finals, it's staggering! We should have gone for a jog, a swim, a walk (ok...we did this a couple of times) and now I find myself here on this upward climb. I don't regret all the snacks and great laughs, those were fun. What I do know is that I have learned to enjoy a healthy snack. I'm a Biologist, pre-med...I really don't want to be too much like Dr. Oz, but I think it would be much better for me to tell a patient how they can get in shape when I am in shape. No one wants to listen when all they're thinking is, "um...hello kettle." Make today your first day, if you haven't started already. Get out there an get fit!

  

Litte Victories

So true, Jilly...so true. Though she is still cataloged as a "Skinny Bitch" in my mind, I do consider her a good role model. I've purchased her "30 Day Shred" and "Ripped in 30" but I haven't given them their full 30 days yet. I'm going to keep my workout routine for 1 more week and then delve into one of these puppies, plus add in the YOGA DVD from P90X, three times a week. I like a bit of variety in my routine, and let's face it...Tony Horton is a hottie! It's nice to have something nummy nummy to look at while working out. The comfort of working out in my own living room is really nice as well and, on (what I know will soon come) my especially lazy days, there's now no excuse for staying home and being a couch-slug. 

Now, I recently purchased one of the many "Biggest Loser" recipe books. I haven't made any of the recipes just yet, but I promise to upload pictures this weekend when I try out one or two of them. The ones with pictures look positively mouth-watering. However, a nice picture does not necessarily mean it doesn't taste like gypsum board, which unfortunately - several health foods do! As a college student on a serious budget, it may be a bit difficult to get all of the ingredients required to make most of those meals. I'll budget for them and let you know the best places to pick up everything! 

OH! Guess what?! Today was my weigh-in and, since last Tuesday, I have lost 2 pounds! I have followed my points allotment and not cheated on a single thing. I have been very careful to monitor everything I consume and only used 9 of my splurge points (out of the unholy 49 I'm allowed per week). I'm loving this WW program and I highly recommend you try it! No, I'm not being paid to say this - and for that matter I should add that I am only using the online and app resources. I don't believe in going to meetings to talk about the evils of food. Honestly, how can apple fritters and chicken-stuffed avocados be evil? Nonsense. They're freaking delicious! I'm simply trying to find the healthier,more-fit, sexy-body self that I managed to have lost. I'm trying to get that body back, so I can indulge every now and then. Again...everything in moderation.

Ok...for my funny-optimistic-hilariously-random moment of today, but before I tell you, let me say as a side note, this completely reminded me of Jen Lancaster's gym experience in "Such a Pretty Fat: One Narcissist's Quest To Discover if Her Life Makes Her Ass Look Big, Or Why Pie is Not The Answer". If you haven't read it, or any of her other bitch-I-speak-my-mind-as-I-damn-well-please books, do yourself a favor and get one NOW!

So, my gym story:

I walked into the SLC (Baylor's exercise facilities, which are...gorgeous! Glad to know my tuition money is being well-spent), dropped off my purse in my locker and headed to my favorite machine, the elliptical! :D I don't like to be working out right next to someone - unless of course I know them - because some people are loud breathers/grunters/have too much B.O.-ers..whatever, I simply like to work out where I can have my own bubble-space for thoughts and what-not. Anyhow, I was glad to see that there were several machines available and hopped on one, set up my NOOK and pressed the "weight-loss" option for a 45 minute workout. Now I'm working out for a good 20 minutes, have worked up a great sweat and am deeply into the novel I'm reading, when I hear a loud sigh. I look up and see a girl giving me the stank-eye. Yes, stank. She was all I'm-judging-you-and-so-want-you-to-know-it. I smiled and kept on striding. She however, was swishing her legs like she was seriously trying to speed-skate out of there. I mean, her machine was swaying. These things are heavy...she was going for lift-off. I kid you not. She finished her workout, took a few steps toward the door and I could visibly see a light bulb go off in her eyes. This chickie had the audacity to turn around, come to face me and say "You know, you're doing it wrong. Why aren't you working harder?" 

Swear to God, this is what flashed through my mind: 

 ????? (click here)

Continuing my workout...

Me: "Well, I am sweating up a storm here and my heart-rate is within my max workout target, so I am working as hard as I am supposed to. If you ask me, though I know you didn't - you're not working out right. You nearly flew off the damn machine."

Kelsey (as I later found out her name): "Yeah right. What do you mean target heart rate?"

I then explained to her where your heart rate should be during a workout and which levels of exercise burn the most calories. I helped her work out her target heart rate and, as I suspected, she was over-clocking her processor. She was at 118% of her weight-loss range. She was seriously over-working. Mind you, I'm still working out as I explain all of this, in short bursts and using my NOOK to help her calculate everything. 

Kelsey: "Oh, well...how do you know all this?"

Me: "I'm a Biology major. I'm supposed to know this." Dr. Tandy would be oh-so-proud! 

She changed her tune and was very nice. She waited for me to finish my workout and we grabbed a bottle of water and headed out. She may even be my workout buddy for the week. She learned something today, and I'm glad I taught it to her. But I learned something too, people can be really fucking mean. I'm positive she was thinking all sorts of nasty why-are-you-so-fluffy kinds of thoughts, because she told me so, but I was still nice to her. Some people surprise me by what they do and say. I may be fluffy, but I'm one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Does it really matter what size my jeans are? I mean, I still love running and coffee and singing Disney songs at the top of my lungs...what's wrong with that?

Sometimes we're faced with hard decisions. Today, mine was between verbally eviscerating this chickie-poo or being nice. I chose the latter, because as an optimist - I'm always searching for the good in people. As it turns out, hers was hiding under the extra-small Nike shorts and tights that were apparently cutting off the oxygen to her brain. 

Bringing Sexy Back

 

 What does sexy mean to you? Lately I've been thinking about this. I've been keeping up with my exercise and am boosting my goal of running 3 days per week to 5 times a week. I run/jog for about an hour a day and on Friday I hit the 5 mile mark. Guess what? Despite the disgusting amount of sweat spurting out of my body, I felt fantastic. Flabkilling! It was great! After a week of working out, I'm no longer too sore, though my muscles tend to scream a little when I'm pounding the pavement. My complexion is getting better, especially considering that I've been drinking nothing but water every day. My diet has changed and everything I choose to eat is much healthier. You can see from the above picture that I take great care in making my salads. I LOVE salads! They're versatile and always tasty. I highly recommend you getting used to eating more greens. Fruits and veggies, not from a can or with added flavors/seasoning in the frozen foods section, are usually worth 0 points through WW, so this means that I can eat plenty of them every day without killing my daily points total. I enjoy snacking on a banana or apple through my day. I recently purchased some black and red plums and loved them! Many people will tell you that the sugar in fruits is bad for you, but to them I say - Everything in Moderation! Eat until you're happy, not bursting at the seams. There is absolutely NO need to unleash that top button on your jeans. Let's get real people, no one needs to see your undies. I'll be sure to update this again tonight, after my workout. I'm going for another 5 miles today, on the elliptical this time. I've been taking my NOOK color and reading throughout my workout. I was pleasantly surprised to find that reading works better for me than listening to music or watching a television show on the machine I choose to workout on. If you're an avid reader, take a book or your eReader (hey, even your smartphone will do the trick!) and let me know how your workout goes. :] Kick some butt and stay positive! You're working hard to lose that weight and your progress will soon show. I can barely wait to see my total progress in a few weeks!

Finding Motivation

It's day four and my body is still aching from that 3.5 mile run. I'm finding it difficult to leave my apartment to go for another run. :| Don't get me wrong, I know that I need to go out there and sweat this day away...I just don't want to go. This has lead me to consider the origin of motivation. Why would I just not want to do this or that? Which part of my funky brain decides my likes/dislikes, dos and do-nots? Did you notice that last one kinda looks like donuts? Hehe. Okay, I seriously need to go running and re-focus this sugar-craving onto my feet pounding the pavement. Hooray for the BearTrail!

When you just realize...

Today included so many spur-of-the-moment experiences. I love controlled spontaneity. Yes, I do understand the oxymoron...but let me explain. I am extremely type-A, enjoy the comfort of a fully-planned outing, maintain a class binder for each course [which contains all notes, assignments, exams and course expectations] and even look up movie times before we head out, which goes completely against my fly-by-the-seat-of-his-pants boyfriend's ideas of living life. So, I'm a bit of a square. What of it?

You must be wondering about the sushi...well, that's part of my impromptu outing. I ended up having to drive up to Fort Worth from Baylor and was reaaaaallly hungry when I made it up here. Thankfully Angel (my wonderful boyfriend) skipped his lunch to be able to meet with me! He's so very sweet and I adore him! Anywhositwhatsit - we went out to lunch and he was craving Orange chicken, of all crazy fried things. Now, we are both watching our calorie intake and I'm even following WW's points plan. He, however drinks two meal replacements a day, which leaves about 1000 calories for him to consume at lunchtime. He also burns a minimum of 1000 calories per day through his crazy-ab-ripping workouts. 

 Since I am only on day three of this new adventure, I figured it would be perfectly "fine" to indulge in an awesome beef and broccoli dish, I mean - there is BROCCOLI in it! My inner food fairy started shrieking and nagging me to find a healthier option, because - are you ready for this - I couldn't help but remember the bank agent who called me today to alert me of fraudulent activity on my card. Was somebody buying 800 tennis balls? No. Did they reserve an expensive hotel room and order bottle service? No. Instead, they flagged my account for having purchased my WW membership. The agent was so very kind while she told me "Well, honestly - you've never been a health and fitness body, according to your purchases. It seemed highly speculative." Gee, thanks for being so judgy. This woman's surprise at my choice in leading a healthier lifestyle kept ringing in my ears, so I was able to step away from the (what probably was quite tasty) beef and broccoli, and instead chose to get a Philadelphia roll. My entire point?

I  am committed to this change. It's so very easy to fall off the plan and indulge. The problem with that ingenious way of thinking is that I tend to forget how many pointless calories I'm taking in. Me, the coffee aficionado and lover of all things mountain dew. Kit Kats and Doritos used to be my study snack of choice and an apple would be lucky, to reserve a spot within my fridge. All of that is different now. I'm changing up my own game and finally taking control of my choices, instead of following the pizza crowd. 

It may seem small, stupid even - but this realization is so very great! I can't blame anyone for stressing and filling the stress-holes with cheesecake or oreos. All of that is my fault and I am on my way to fixing this somewhat-mess. I've got fifty pounds to go and am excited for my weigh-in on Sunday. Bring it on, you puny little scale. I've got this!

New Beginnings

Over a year ago, I took up this blog - not once did I ever publish a post. You see, my best friend @lsandoe decided she wanted to blog, and we thought "HEY! Wouldn't it be brilliant if we both did this?" She dutifully updated her blog with her pretty-gosh-darn-bubbly-and-philosophic (albeit sometimes hard, life lessons), but I got lost in the shuffle of junior year pre-med courses at SIC 'EM and went through a few rather rough and gut-wrenching personal experiences that caused me to stop writing. I didn't choose to stop, I felt forced to when someone near and dear to me [then] called me a "dream-killer," along with many other colorful terms, and singled me out as a horrible friend for countless, baseless reasons. You may be thinking, "why just give up something you love?" Well, to be frank - I couldn't bear the thought of having hurt someone so badly by merely using my creative outlet. I never even considered myself a decent writer, let alone capable of ruining dreams. That's a whole other level of Stephen King - Stephenie Meyer kind of feud that I never thought I would get into. Boy, was I wrong! I won't mention the person who so deeply hurt my feelings and caused me to think about my life differently. I quite honestly ceased to be myself, for a very long time. I don't think I was trying to be anyone or anything else, but I felt lost - all the time. When I'd move to put pen to paper, my mind would go blank and I would simply...freeze. It was terrifying. I went from writing nearly every single day to letting a year go by without jotting down a single errant thought. It was this dark smoke, always looming around me - choking my personality out. I hated that feeling and the constant ache  of a hole in my heart.

 Sometimes, I feel that blackness moving in and I kind of start to panic. Then I remember to write about it. Amazing does not even begin to cover the feeling I get from writing. I can't tell you when I started writing again, exactly - or why. One day I dusted off a journal of mine and started writing about my day, the food and laughs shared and all the other things going through my mind. It was so freeing. It was just what I needed to push me closer to working on the NanoWriMo piece that got me into this whole slump in the first place. I need to finish this story, for myself and the extremely patient friends of mine who want to see the completed piece. The novel I am currently working on is back on my desktop, not lying about in my "Lost" folder because I'm not lost anymore. I certainly have no clue where I'm going, but I. AM. NOT. LOST. 

With all of the above mentioned, I'd like for you to continue reading, because I'm seriously hoping that you're still interested in hanging around. I sincerely PROMISE you that the rest of my entries won't be all doom and gloom. I'm a very light-hearted spirit who has plenty to say on just about any topic. Mostly humorous things. Like, laugh-until-you-pee-funny...don't believe me? Ask @lsandoe - I'm sure she'll vouch for me. 

Now...on to my newest adventure.

There is something to be said about dieting...most of it has been said before - but you've never heard it from me. I couldn't decided what this blog was going to be about, and I finally decided to step away from my personal journal in order to share my perspective on all things me, with you. 

I started my first day of dieting - which is more along the lines of eating balanced, portion-controlled meals and following the WW points system. I need to lose all of the weight that I gained during my four years at this wonderful university. Freshmen fifteen? Sure. Add another 30lbs. I'm finally done with all the cockamamie "I'm too busy studying to get to the gym" excuses. I pulled on my absolutely adorable workout gear, purchased just for this adventure - as my extremely awesome, smaller sized gear now looks like doll clothes. OK - I'm not that huge, but it does make me sad to feel like a baby whale compared to my younger, leaner self. My workout today consisted of a 3.5 mile run, where I burned 400 calories. I didn't just start working out today, I'd been walk/jogging most of last week and even hit the gym with my beau over the weekend. However, I did fully commit to this healthier lifestyle today. I am vowing to lose 50 pounds in the next six months through exercise and healthy eating. I was inspired by Laura and Taralynn - two pretty sweet gals who have got their butt in gear and are getting things done. 

Ever the optimist, these butt-kicking workouts (though they'll have me in puddles at the beginning) will be a great release and writing about the journey is going to be fantastic! 

Thanks for tagging along.