Andy, The Whale

My work family lost a friend and leader today.

I lost a mentor.

When the news was broken to us, I felt a little piece of me break. It was a distinct sound. One of loss, shock and this cavernous piece of my soul closing off. Not with a bang, but a whimper. 

I think it's hard enough to say good-bye when you know the event is coming, but we were blindsided and the sucker-punch to the gut on New Year's Eve...well, that was the cherry on this crud-pile of a sundae.

I will never walk through the doors of my office, hearing Andy yell "Woo! Sarah's here!" 
That ball of sunshine in a squat, funny little man is was not what one expected, but he rarely failed to brighten my day.

He taught me so many things, but the one that stands out in my mind is how Andy showed me just how important it was to do what you love. 
Andy traveled, Vegas being his favorite destination. He loved his family, fast cars, good food and the lure of a great bet. There was so much more to him and all of his quirkiness came flooding to the front of my mind when I absorbed the news. Things you wouldn't expect to realize that you noticed about a person - it was all so dorky and yet, so very Andy. 
Piles of Mountain Dew. 
Everything Bagel Boopalaches. 
Pho, Bun & Boba.
How much he'll be missed by Bistro.   
Serenity Now! 

Going into work on Wednesday is going to be hard. Hell, leaving the office today was difficult. This news was hard to swallow and it still feels like a slap in my reality. Cold. Hard. Ruthless.

Fate gets us all.

 
With the new year coming around in a few hours, I couldn't help but think about the frailty of us all. Here one minute, gone the next.

Yeah, Andy would say "umm...deep?"
[He wasn't much for serious tones. Actually, more often he was laughing at the tiniest thing.]

I realized that I have so many resolutions for the upcoming year, but one I didn't have until just today?

I resolve to live every day, loving every minute and regretting nothing. 
At 23 [almost 24], I want to learn how to live. 

This all ties into my healthy-fit-chick journey, I promise. 
Part of learning to live is knowing your own limitations and pushing against them. It also means that you have to learn to love yourself, for all your flaws and greatness. Andy had that balance. He was 5'4" but larger than life. I want to know what that completeness feels like, and I'm determined to have that in my life. That strength and passion, love and joy...knowing every night that when I tumble into bed, my day was well spent. This is my goal and it goes hand in hand with being spiritually, mentally and physically fit. 

I'll leave you with something that's not quite so serious, like Andy - The Whale. Maybe you can understand what brand of awesome he was, and hopefully, you know someone just like him.

Disclaimer: He loved this commercial and when I told him it reminded me of him [several months back], he really LOL'd. Watching it again, it's still just as funny. 

We miss you already, Andy. I hope that you have plenty of poker chips and a endless supply of Mountain Dew, because anywhere without it just wouldn't be right. 

Cheeky, Short and Brunette - Now What?

So, let me tell you what's really going on.

 
Lately I've been a little more fierce and a little less friendly, which is most definitely NOT me. I've kept alot of these back-the-heck-up thoughts to myself lately because I'm stressed, freaked and have been waiting on rusty old nails to find out whether or not I'd been admitted to graduate school.

For all that worrying and feeling like I might not be good enough, and then all those people who said the school would be "absolutely stupid to deny [me] admission"....well, I was right and all my bolstering-we-adore-you-Sarah-fans, were wrong. 

Damn Straight. I said it.
Papal Bull - Sarah sucks.
That is all.

I fell short and it feels horrendous. Not quite like getting your boob squished at a mammogram, but much along the lines of realizing that your ex-boyfriend said he couldn't handle a relationship [hence the breakup] but is now walking that kinda-skunky [yes, skunky] chick to class like a well-trained puppy . It's a deep-down hurt, something that I can't extinguish with bitch-stickers (a.k.a. - band-aids).

Only clue as to where I went wrong? My GPA needs improvement. 
Seriously though, it wasn't/isn't that bad. My letters of recommendation were stellar and my work experiences are full of epic situational learning. 

UGH!!!

This whole getting-rejected-thing lead me to start this long-winded thinking, what am I doing with my life mess. Honey, the monologue is too long and too self-loathing to let you in on it. 

I'm so sad right now, that I can only laugh to keep from crying.

What truly sucks? 
I'm still sick at home with strep throat and a bunky set of lungs that are sporadically attacking me right now, so I can't go running. I want nothing more than to get lost in the miles with just the sound of my breathing and the solid thump of my feet beating the pavement.
It would feel amazing to punch something right now. 
All this hard work...for what - rejection?

Despite this, I have all you wonderful people [you know who you are] telling me to eat a brownie or have a glass of wine, or eat some cake to make myself feel better - well, screw you!

The goal is to LOSE weight, not pack on the self-deprecating pounds through sugary goodness!
Trying to look good, naked - remember?!?

What I can tell you about my newest scar, is that I came across this:

"People take different roads
seeking fulfillment and happiness.
Just because they're not on your road
doesn't mean they've gotten lost." 
-His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama

 
It made me look at this situation with fresh eyes. What if I'm that person now on a new path? 
I certainly feel like a rudder-less ship or a rabbit without its lucky foot [because really, what rabbit wants to be hopping around with three legs]...I feel lost. 
What should I throw myself into now?


I keep hearing that I should apply to law school:

Because, you know...changing career paths is not so difficult.

The advice is appreciated, don't get me wrong. However, I'm severely type-A. The "always-has-a-plan [or three, or four]" kind of girl. 
So what am I supposed to do for the next 6 academic months...flounder? Basket-weaving? Travel the world? 

I'm seriously contemplating that last one. 
Any suggestions would be nice. 


So now I'll leave you with this last thought:

Seeing this, meant I could stop feeling slighted.
The only person holding me back, is me.

I don't know how I came across this, only that it showed up in my photos, but the message is clear. I have no clue where this path is taking me, and everything I'd set up for myself has now crumbled, so my planner is free. I'll start running again soon. Other than my continued separation from fat-pants...I have no idea what goals I'm running toward. 


Here's to fear of the unknown and the overwhelming need to kick that fear's ass!

Killing the Jiggle

Alright folks, I'm back in action!
These past few weeks have been heinous - exams, allergies, strep throat, no work-outs and dealing with Herbert (the Thanksgiving Turkey), mocking me for not eating more. Dastardly bird!

I was so freaking disciplined. No. Joke.
Every skinny twiglet in my beau's family was like:

But all I could do was sit there and think...How do you stay soooooo thin?!?!?!?! I mean:

Twig-bitches.

I say that with love. Trust.


I actually lost 2 pounds over the holiday. Which, the beau said, meant that I was probably not eating. 
Since I was so caffeinated and running around trying to see as much family as possible, well...I wouldn't push that thought too far out. Either way...I didn't have a chance to work out, so I made sure not to over-eat. I seriously do NOT need to be busting out pregnancy pants.

Now that I'm back home, I've got three finals standing in my way to freedom and Christmas fun. I really need to get back on the bandwagon for running. 

So I found this little guy:

Isn't Melville great?!?!

 When I want to give up, or stray from this fit-path - I find ways to motivate myself. Mirror messages. Little notes to bolster my confidence and bundles of little things like that. 

How are you keeping yourself on track?
Did you find any yummy recipes I should know about? 


I wanted to upload some pictures of my progress, but all of the pictures from the Thanksgiving break get-togethers came out pretty blurry. I took bundles of pictures of other peeps, which came out great:

The beau and his mom. :)

But when anyone else got a hold of my camera, this was the usual result (mostly much blurrier):

This is the best picture I have of us, Laura! We need another visit, ASAP!

Now, compare the above pic of me to the ones below:

It might just be wishful thinking, but I do think my face has thinned out some.

I share this with you, my PHAT picture.

Now, I'm definitely still working on losing all this college-phat; sometimes it feels like it will never go away. But hey...no one said it was going to be easy. I can't say I regret letting myself get this big, I mean - I sure as hell enjoyed the foodles that I consumed to make this voluptuous body happen! I'm just working to get back to fit. I miss my  chiseled abs. They were totes sexy, but are currently hidden under a few dozen cupcakes and Hershey's hugs (my Achilles heel, when it comes to chocolate goodies!).

We've got a couple of holidays left to get through. At our house, Christmas day is a bustle of crazy events, one after another - then a bundle of food that forces you to unbutton the pants before you even take a seat! 
My grandmama's turkey gravy is enough to put you into a calorie overload, and it's way too hard to remember control. Hard, but not impossible. 
Alas, I will be spending my holiday alone this year. Working and toiling about at the office. Maybe a mini-Christmas roast beast will be a good idea? I haven't decided yet. 

What I do know is that I will be strapping on my sneaks and heading out for a wonderful run. I'm so excited to see my total weight-loss before New Year's Eve! WOOT!

Are you in the Christmas spirit yet?

My workout today will consist of putting up my Christmas tree! Pics later, I promise! :D We have a Who-ville theme this year and it's our first official Christmas tree together. Elation? Definitely!

My favorite time of year. <3

Remember, you want to keep those fat pants away! 
Grab yourself some SPARK! Eat healthy and think portion control! That way, you can stick your finger in all sorts of pies and not feel guilty! [insert evil laugh here] Yes, I am dubious!


Much love, friends!

Let's Get Naked!

Now, I'm not a fan of scales...because, let's be honest - most of the time their language is painful. They only give out numbers, no "way to go"... "hey, champ - looking slim"... just, "yo - you're hefty! don't believe me? Here's yo numbah!"

UGH.

So, imagine my surprise when I stopped running for a week due to intense class assignments...and I LOST TWO POUNDS! In one week, that's fantastic! :] I'm super freaking excited. EEEEP!

So, yes ----- 

I'm feeling much better in my own skin and am damn proud of it!

Take your measurements and weigh yourself every couple of weeks or so. Make sure to focus more on those inches, friends! You might be slimming down, but gaining lean muscle - which means that you might add on a few pounds. Don't worry though! You'll look sexy-fit in those jeans of yours as you start re-shaping the thunder thighs and muffin top. I am working on this too!


Working out is not everything though. You've got to feed your tummy some seriously healthy nummies! Check out what I've been noshing on:

1/4 Avocado, smashed (not re-fried) beans on toasted corn tortillas with over-medium eggs and homemade salsa.
This entire meal is 480 calories and a great breakfast! I stay full for hours.

One of my lunches this week consisted of these beauties: Crab & Dill stuffed cucumber cups.
285 calories for an entire cucumber and 3oz of crab meat.

Sourdough bread with ricotta cheese and garlic spread, topped with smoked salmon, tomatoes and jalapenos.
2 slices = 360 cals. and a perfect lunch!

Crab and Mushroom stuffed Zucchini!
Enough said.

SUPER HEALTHY CHILI!
Less than 400 calories per 8oz.
It's a family recipe, so you won't be making my version.
Sorry, folks.

Egg-salad on sourdough bread.
210 calories per slice

Dinner tonight: JIM'S!
160 cals. per serving
They're non-sloppy joe's and wondermous!

So yeah...I'm a serious foodie [and I so know that you just enjoyed my food porn, don't be ashamed]. But you all already knew that!
Thanks for not judging.

I've been working really hard to find/create/genius-my-way-into new recipe ideas that are also healthy. I'm totes biased, but I think I've done a damn good job so far!
I am not sure which recipes I want to add for you all, so you all pick. 


Right now I've got to head back to my studies, which is mostly where I've been for the past week or so. My apologies for not having posted recently, but life has been a dizzy flurry of activity. I promise to be better this week, with posts and my workouts. 

Here's my newest flab-killer idea:

I want to do this sooooooo badly! the nerd in me shrieked with school-girl happiness when I stumbled across it. Hehehe!

So, I'll keep running my 3 miles and throw this in a few times a week - that way, sometime soon I can be all:

And then the beau will want to take my pictures like so:

I mostly want to be fit so that I'm happy with myself, but part of me wants him to be happy too. He'll never tell me that I'm too fluffy [bless this boy!] but I never want to be too comfortable to think that I don't need to be sexy for him. That's just all kinds of wrong. I always want to look good naked because that's the difference between skinny and fit. Fit girls just feel and look better - that's my ultimate goal. 

So remember:

I stopped working out last week to take care of "more important things" only to look at myself today and think: "Wow sister, you're a sorry excuse for a fit-chick. Stop making excuses and go running. you know you want to."

And it was true. 

I love running - more than cheesecake, cookies, shakes, popcorn...hell, almost more than coffee. The natural high I get is spectacular and my muscles crave the exercise. There's just something inexplicably intoxicating about sweat and hard work. The payout is always worth it. 

Get out there and move! You know you want to.
I hope I've motivated you enough to get your rump going. 

Remember, we're trying to go from flab to fit, people. how are you doing so far? I'm still a little jiggly, but tightening up nicely. ;]

Hopefully in 6 more weeks, I'll be ringing in the New Year with my fantastic new outfit - showing off my buff arms and awesome booty. Woot! I can hardly wait to see my progress!

Cheater, Cheater

Now, this title reflects a couple of things. 

1.  I have been cheating on my running with Halloween candy. Ugh. I'm somewhat ashamed of this weakness, but hey - I'm not perfect and won't pretend to be. I have set-backs and walls and crazy high standards for myself. I'm much more in shape now than I was a few weeks ago, so I'm not too terribly disappointed, but I did need to come clean about my pumpkin candy and kit-kat issues. The guilt was racking me!

My weekend has been a lot of studying and lazy eating. Candy was near, so it was snarfed!

2. (and this is immensely more important than the first one) Tomorrow is mine and the beau's 5th year anniversary. 
[That's half a decade, ya'll!]

We've pulled and pushed each other through just about everything over the past several years. He's my best friend, my favorite hello, the one constant thought throughout my entire day and I just don't feel at ease unless he's near me. 

Yes, I do realize that I've got it bad. But hey, isn't this what we all hope for? The kind of love that is comfortable but exciting at the same time? 
It's what I always wished for, and it almost didn't happen. 

You see, we met in highschool - but I broke his heart and friend-zoned him in order to date one of his close friends, some might say his best friend (but they'd be wrong). 

It was very much like Gary Allan's "Man to Man." Seriously. The 'Ex' cheated on me, broke my heart, and my best friend was left to pick up the pieces and put me back together. My best friend, the guy who I'd left for something that was...more exciting?...better?...well, I have no idea why, but I refused to give him the time of day. I was hell-bent on dating the other guy. I was an idiot.

Then one day, after he's finished super-gluing my aorta back on, he says "Well, I'm kind of interested in [a girl who's name I shall not mention, lest she know that she ever had a chance]. What do you think?"

Jesus, I was now in the friend zone and I completely agree with this: 
“It’s amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy.”

—

George Downes My Best Friend’s Wedding

So I told him how I felt and the rest is history. You can't expect the boy to keep trying, only to get denied over and over.
It was my turn to take that leap of faith, and thank GOD, he caught me.

 It's funny how life works out. The guy I thought would be better off as my friend, was the man meant for me. Who would have guessed!?

Now this boy, whom I got extremely comfortable with (which is the problem that many couples encounter...I call it "The Fluffy Phase"), pushes me to be better, to run harder, do more, push further. He's everything that I expected my other half to be. He even cares enough to pull me into all the things he enjoys, as well as sitting through all the episodes of Vampire Diaries with me. It's a decent trade-off. :]

Except Monopoly. Two Taurus signs playing anything can get dangerously competitive.
Someone may get CUT!

We fight, laugh, cry, play (seriously...this boy games like nobody's business) - we are two halves of a whole. I can only hope that each and every one of you finds the person that makes you want to be better than who you were yesterday. It's a great gift to know that your happiness is someone's priority. To feel loved and cherished is wonderful. I hope you all can experience love because it's the most beautiful, powerful, crazy emotion that envelopes your soul and makes everything catch fire.

Working out together has been so great for us. We interact and are in a much better place with our healthy-fit selves. It's easier to work through sugary cravings and lazy-spells when we're both involved and motivating the other. 

How have you all been making out  (-.o) with your workouts?

<3 DeviantArt!

 
 

Sex, Sweat and Taboos

My large hispanic family shrinks shudders cringes at the thought of talking anything related to health, fitness, sex, partnerships, politics, love, life, and pretty much any topic with opposing views. 

But, what can we all agree on?

FOOD! <--- Click here for some food PRON!


That's right, who would've thought that Hispanics are foodies? 
{eye-roll}

Yes, most of us are foodies. Actually, I've never met a Latina/Latino who doesn't practically worship good food (what type of biped can't appreciate some yummy nummies?). The problem is, just like with the rest of our America, people like to stuff their gobs, but don't want to work those glutes! 
The worst thing about Latin genetics? We gain love handles and boobs! The upped boobage is quite nice, the side rolls for extra butter pats....not so great.

On top of being of Hispanic heritage, I also work an office job at the moment. We lead these unhealthy lives where we eat up everything in the office breakfast bars (for the fancy places that pay for their employees' brekky) and then sit in a chair all day, clicking away on our mice and clackitty keyboards...never realizing that our arses are swelling. 

How sad, right?

(BTW - get yourselves an exercise ball if you have a desk job. It's bouncy, helps with balance and strengthens your lower back...PLUS! You can act like Tigger all day, because bouncing's a wonderful thing!) 

Sometimes I even buy breakfast for my office peeps, like I did yesterday. While they were eating muffins, bagels and frosted goodness....I ate 2 cups of black grapes and half a cup of cottage cheese. Guess what? I lurved my breakfast, but all I could think about was how evil I was being for fueling their bad habits. And yet...

As funny (and wishful) as that is, please don't do this:

Being judgy toward someone else is not cool. Get off your high horse. 
Remember that eating pizza or ice cream or chocolate or pie, every now and then will keep your sweet tooth happy, and keep you on track. Denying yourself any and all of life's little food temptations can sometimes lead to binge-eating, which will set you back - and you don't want that!

Moral of this story?
Encourage others to be healthy and make good food choices, don't be a Judgy Janice just because you're cravings are on lock-down. Rude!

Eating one cupcake, ok.
Snarfing all the cupcakes in a 10 mile radius....not cool dude.

Did I catch your attention?
AWESOME!

 

I have a few fun ideas to help get you motivated!
{Stay with me, now! I promise, you'll LOVE these!}

You see, we're getting closer and closer to the holidays. They're creeping up on us and while we're worried about Thanksgiving plans, who's baking what and what presents we need to buy....we're forgetting to keep our healthy habits in check. 

As much as we love to have Auntie Anne shove sugar-coated pretzels (a.k.a. - warm pieces of love-nuggets --- OR a mini delivery package to clog my arteries),  we need to remember that moderation is key. 
Also, that sample pretzel, will cost about 250 calories and that's about 2.5 miles worth of running to get rid of that damn delicious pretzel. 


So, without further ado...here are my ideas:


1. Work out with your husband/wife/significant other/sexbuddy 
(Yes, it must be someone you're intimately involved with.)

WHY?

Well, if you motivate each other to work out, then your treat can be some steamy shower action after your dirty/grimy workout. What better treat after a hard workout than a nice massage in the shower? You are more than welcome to add in your own post-workout coital activities. BUT...you only get the cookie, if you actually put the work in - so don't phone in your workout! Really push yourself and your partner. 
Now, I'm not saying you can't workout with a friend or bestie, but if you're attracted to them, then you need to ask for permission (and be granted it) BEFORE you jump their bones, ok?


2. Earn an ooey-gooey healthy treat!
There are some very yummy treats to be found on several healthy-fit sites. A few of my favorites can be found here:

Tara's Treats!   <----- Some seriously delicious oatmeal and breakfast recipes. YUM!
Fit Foodies. Get some!  <--- I really want to try the Paleo Pumpkin Bars, ASAP! 
Baking Goodies!  <--- I sometimes have to tweak these recipes, but I <3 this cute blog!


Now that you have some treat ideas...work your butt off and then come back home to a healthy sweet (and good for your abs!) delight. You'll still get toned while you get to eat some yummy stuff (and it's healthy for you!). Remember, everything in moderation. We're trying to get INTO shape (preferably a sexy hourglass, IMO), not STAY a round shape. Agreed?

Every minute, every inch, every bit of effort counts.
Put all you have into this and you'll get the results you want.

3.  Earn Moo-LAH!

Set a monetary goal for yourself. Right now, I want to lose 50 more pounds. So I am setting aside $50 for every 10lbs I lose. Feel free to set an amount per pound, if you'd like. As a college student on a tight budget, any steeper and I'd go for broke. :(
Either way, I'm motivated for an awesome (whatever I decide to buy) gift to myself at the end of this journey. 

Don't worry about the sweat, that's just fat crying.

4. Running into the "Ex"

What an ASS-HAT!
If he/she broke up with you for a few pounds, then you really need to bust your hump and get to your ideal "sexy."
ASAP!

There is truly very little worse than running into an ex-boyfriend and realizing that he's gotten better looking, while you're now the "XXX"- large gf. UGH. How embarrassing. 
So, every time you think that you just can't go running today (because you're being a lazy-bum!) or you start listing the "I think I'm kinda sore, maybe, maybe, blah, blah, blah!...remember how good it will feel to run into your ex, looking every inch the sexy beast that he or she doesn't have anymore. 

[Insert evil laugh HERE]



5. Make it FUN!

I run with my beau (who also happens to be my bestie and trainer), so we race each other through our three miles and joke through a portion of our workout. 
I'm thinking that the next time we decide to go biking, I'll do something like this:

You jelly?

Think up ways to change up your routine. Maybe take a different route, or make a game out of the workout. Our office has a challenge going to keep everyone on a healthy track over the holidays. We all put in some cash and the person who loses the largest percentage of weight, wins a majority of the $$$. Who doesn't like money?
My wallet definitely wants me to stay motivated!


What say you?



Lastly - always, always, ALWAYS remember that:

True Story.

Alright...now that you all have the motivation...get your butt in gear!

Have an awesome workout today.

<3